Far From Perfection

Lord Have Mercy-Steve Merkel

Jesus I've forgotten the words that You have spoken,

Promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim.

With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom.

Forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again.

Lord, have mercy, Christ have mercy,

Lord have mercy on me.

I have built an altar where I worship things of man,

I have taken journeys that have drawn me far from You,

But now I am returning to Your mercies ever flowing.

Pardon my transgressions, help me love You again.

Lord, have mercy, Christ have mercy,

Lord have mercy on me.

I have longed to know You and all Your tender mercies,

Like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end.

So I bow my heart before You in the goodness of Your presence.

Your grace forever shining like a beacon in the night.

Lord, have mercy, Christ have mercy,

Lord have mercy on me.

Post 294

Helllloooo????? Helllloooooo!!!! Is anybody there?!

My last post was on November 27, but I deleted it because I decided I did not want the entire world to know my inner struggles. It was up for about an hour, so maybe you read it.

I do not have any profound or intellectual thoughts to post, I just felt like it.

I've been thinking about how important follow up is when a person leaves a church. For all the church knows that person could be struggling so deeply with God that they don't even know where they stand anymore. On the other hand, the person could have simply moved to another church that is closer to home. Or maybe it's a combination of the two.

I am craving to be back in ministry. I like working with the youth that I do, but I wish I could tell them about God without getting kicked out of school. I'm sure many people think that I should anyway, and I would if any of them asked me questions or showed a desire to learn. However, the position of power I am in over such a vulnerable population creates a great deal of conflict.

These kids have experienced more pain in their short lives than most do in a lifetime. No wonder they scream and yell and threaten those that take care of them.

I am thinking about what I will do with my BA in Psych. I would love to get a masters of Psychology, but I want to work for a bit first. I've been looking into being an addictions counsellor, I would also love to work in a school, hospital or (of course) for The Salvation Army. Afterall, I got soul and I am a soldier.

Which brings me to the question of what should I do with my soldiership? My home church, SM, has closed, leaving me with a hurting heart, and no place to move my soldiership to. Dilemma!

On a completely different note, being engaged is wonderful.

It's Alive!

I am now back in Edmonton and settled nicely into our lovely apartment. So far I am LOVING the freedom of not living in rez. It is especially nice to be able to choose our own food, and not share a bathroom with 13 other girls. Classes start today, and I am beside myself with excitement (nerd, I know). Philip lives six short minutes away. It's a beautiful thing.

There. I have successfully updated.

Fenceless

I'm sick, and I'm not impressed. I'm entirely unimpressed actually. I'm beginning to think this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life.

I get to give my two weeks notice tomorrow, thank goodness. I'm so excited to go to camp, only I know that I'll be sick there too.

Okay, I'm being incredibly negative.

I'll come up with something positive later on.